Date: 4th August 2009 at 8:50pm
Written by:

Commander Chix asks Pompey’s Blue Army to assess what is left of the Regiment


Commander Chix asks Pompey’s Blue Army to assess what is left of the regiment

ATTEN-SHUN!

(That includes you Private Penton)

Right you ‘orrible little lot!

I have seen ‘The Email’, I have read ‘The Official Statement’ and I have heard enough moans and groans to last me well into World War Six.

But it stops now!


(Stand-up straight Corporal Eastneydave)

The bare faced fact of the matter is our General’s have informed us that they haven’t a military strategy of how to get themselves out of ‘The Mess’ so whether you like it or not, it is down to us to fight this battle of survival on our own.

Now men,
(And that includes you Privates Tracyc, Gandor, Hammersmith Blue & UKTony) we have to show that we are made of sterner stuff than our Generals and face the fight alone, otherwise our once famous regiment will wither and die by the time PompeyCook stuff the Christmas Turkey

What we need to do is roll-call our current squadron and assess, if collectively, they are up to the task of surviving the next nine months in the face of severe adversity whilst being bombarded on all sides by our enemies.


(Eyes front Private Plymouth Graham)

I want your views on who you believe should be included in our Crack Attack (CRACK ATTACK) Unit, who we should keep back for reinforcements and who we should send over the top first.

All current personnel should be considered whether they be first year recruits or battle hardened warriors, but can only work with the soldiers we have today.

There will be no talk of O’Neil, Benjani, Lua Lua or Taylor. They are caught behind enemy lines and there’s little hope of ever seeing them again

There will be no talk of Johnson, Defoe, Diarra, Crouch or others who have departed recently. Sadly they are classified as Casualties of War and their Next of Kin have been notified accordingly


(Stop sniggering Private Cornypomp)

There will be no talk of potential reinforcements for Australia, Cameroon, Cardiff or even Crewe irrespective of whether they are retiring veterans from another regiment

There will be no talk of any further potential deserters, Distin, James, Belhadj, Utaka & co are here today and we have to plan with what we’ve got, lovely boys !

So men, your mission whether you accept it or not, is to identify those soldiers within our current squadron who can be moulded into a unit that is prepared to battle hard for the cause.

You need not respect current regimental duties I just want to see names of personnel who are prepared to fight for each other and our famous regiment even if it means certain death. I WANT SOLDIERS that this Blue Army can be proud of, in fact I WANT HEROES

As self-appointed Commander-in-Charge I will have the final say of our Dirty Dozen but I will not make my final selection until way past 00:00 hrs so you have until then to convince me, and each other of the 12 soldiers in whom we should place our lives for the next nine months. But be aware men, some of those selected may not all come back.


(Private Frippy – My office now!)

One final point men. Talk of protestation or cowardice for battle will be dealt with very severely – You have been warned




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88 Replies to “Chix’s Chatter – Atten-Shun !”

  • Thank You Private LL BLue I’m just doing my duty
    Right men Some pointers to get you started. We already know that Kanu can be used as a soliditary sleath unit in the closing stages of battle – He has the ability to move without being noticed. Belhadj on the other hand could be used as a human grenade if things get tough and he can be classified as expendable should we need him to be [Edited by hickin]

  • Blimey SIR!, if you’ll give me leave to speak; first over the top will be corporal Herman ‘The Terminator’ Hreidarsson. Loves a fight, hard, picks a fight if upset and steams in to the fray and mixes it up in the opposition’s territory. Bit of a foriegn Johnny but he can be trusted, SIR! Also after fighting for US, hopes Joanna Lumley will help him stay here, SIR!

  • Permission granted Private Et_TU Your remarks concerning The Herminator are well founded, however although his movement might still be as agile as it has been in previous campaigns I worry about the delivery of ammunition to him given that our former No2 has departed – As for Lumley however.. I’m sure he would consider it a priviledge to be in association with her

  • Commander Chix – Private Gino reporting for duty! I wish to put forth Niko Kranjcar as our squadron leader. Someone of outshining class that, quite frankly, outdoes the rest of the batallion. Whilst all those other rats have been jumping ship, Niko has stuck by, and is looking forward to next season without saying anything other than “Bring it on!” – there’s no “I’m off to Arsenal” speak from this lad this summer. We are going to need to plan around him, so I therefore would put him in charge, to lead our men as he sees fit on the field.

  • Scared indeed Private Mad I didn’t get where I am today but ****** footing around with a load of nancy boys intent on wearing ladies undergarments. My father was a military man and his father before him. I was born on a battlefield don’t ya know

  • Commander Chix….there’s one man above all other that has the skill, the verve, the passion, the guts, the creativity, the legs and looks, whose virility could satisfy a thousand battle hardened nurses and a few corporals as well, take on the enemies defenses and tear them apart as if they were squashed grapes in a bag and last but not least has the pace of an exocet missile…that man is Kapitain Kranky….who I’m led to believe is rather a favorite of yours sir…

  • Private Parts here. Can I point out the middle east has just taken over the Blue Army? It’s all oil and money and oil!

  • KRANJCAR! KRANJCAR! for Squadron Leader have you been drinking that cheap NAFFI lager again Private Gino Kranjcar has never shown a ounce of spirit .. in fact he has been handed most of his opportunities by virtue of his fathers standing and when left alone to make his own decision turned traitor on his local side to play for their arch rivals. Kranjcar may well be included but only so he can be keep at close quarters as I suspect he made yet turn out to be no more than a spy!

  • Yeah he was born on the battlefield alright, look at that face…it looks like his mum was feeding im grenades instead of rusks.

  • Well Commander Chix far be it from me to question authority, but I do believe that a mistake will be made if Kranjcar does not lead our troops out there. Without a figure like him at the helm, we will be lost in no man’s land, and I fear that could well prove costly.

  • Private L L reporting SIR, Might I put forward David James as a one man last line of defence to give the regiment a steely resolve. He is a loyal motivated individual who commitment to the cause was shown in abundance during the last tour of duty. Over and out. SIR

  • Major Bassinas to the rescue, Never going to be a high ranking Officer but will organize and deploy the necessary men to all parts of the combat zone.

  • Private Parts-Lysimachus Your intelligence may yet prove to be correct however until I recieve official confirmation from our reconissance corp the Blue Army shall continue to wear western style uniforms – ‘Oil & Money’.. all I have witnessed to date is ‘Toil and Trouble’

  • Er..don’t forget Private Pennant in all the excitement Commander. I’ve just spoken to him in his hospital bed and he told me through his breathing apparatus that he’s prepared to die with one leg if necessary. At least I thought he said one leg..it was a bit hard to catch over the bleeping of his heart monitor..

  • Private Cornypomp Your insubordination will see you in clink if you are not careful.. Take a leaf out of Private Penton’s book. Now Bassinas is the very epitome of a battle hardened vetern and a fine candidate for Major.

    Private LL James should and almost certainly make the ‘Dirty Dozen’ as you clearly point out he has single handedly saved us on more than on previous mission

  • Pennant .. Pennant … that lazy, celebrity magnet .. all he was good for was introducing Captain James to a new filly .. Very nice indeed even if I do say so .. one leg eh! ha if you was determination soldier look at Dario Silva now if that fella was still on our continent what greater example would there be.. .. But back to Pennant any soldier that wears the footwear of a previous regiment whilst representing the Blue Army should be Court Marshalled

  • Private JAS reporting sir,maybe its time to give Linvoy the chaplain a call to hold prayers for the troops as they stride forwards into battle,over sir.

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