Date: 7th March 2006 at 11:18am
Written by:


DECEMBER 2005

Dr Harold ‘Ripper’ Redknapp has been given the task of putting the heart back into the Portsmouth Football team, so lacking in blood and guts and moral fibre, this astute physician will undertake the task with some technical assistance. Dr Redknapp first graduated from the School of Medicine at Bournemouth where he progressed to the London College of Surgeons at West Ham. He received Honours whilst at Portsmouth prior to operating on Death Row further down the coast.

This is likely to be a slow operation, performed under general anaesthetic. Dr Redknapp spoke optimistically about our patients chances of survival ‘I will inject new blood into them, get the legs pumping and give it the heart that it once had. If I couldn’t do the job, I wouldn’t be here’. Chairman Milan Mandaric endorsed..’This is a professional man, one of the best in the business. I have brought him here to do a difficult job, to breathe new life into our frail patient. I am confident that the operation will be a successful one’

MARCH 2006
No comment – Funeral in May

By Pompey Gray